What really happened to Advertising

Here in musical form, to the tune of 'American Pie,' you too can understand what has happened to the Advertising Industry.



And while the Industry has been taking a beating on one side, our clients have been sure to get in on the Advertising Industry beat-down.

Though presented originally as tongue-in-cheek satire, this is very, very close to the reality of the Client - Vendor relationship.

Quiznos Weasels

In the last month or so, the good folks at Quiznos have really set a new standard for adolescent advertising. For those of you following along, you'll remember some previous thoughts about adolescent advertising - ads apparently created by twelve-year-old boys.

First we were treated to a bit of homo-erotica with this spot for their "Toasty Torpedo." And it's not the gay overtones in the spot that are objectionable, it's the erotic overtones that are so out of place for a spot that introduces a new sub sandwich.



What must that creative brief have looked like? Were they so concerned about consumer recall that they threw reason out the window?

Apparently not.

Evidently, this is just part and parcel of Quiznos approach to advertising their product. Why do we think this? Well let's just look at more recent spot:



Now to be fair, the folks at Quiznos claim this spot is not theirs, not authorized by Quiznos, and created wholly by Playboy.com.

But if that's the case, why did Playboy choose to feature them in their spot? Why use a real brand at all? Since most brands are somewhat particular about the other brands they associate with, either Playboy had to get permission to use the Quiznos brand in their spot, or someone was compensated for including Quiznos.

Quiznos claims they didn't authorize the spot. If that's the case, why can you still find the spot on YouTube? Would not Quiznos demand that the video be yanked down?

No. The twelve-year-olds that created them get their jollies by watching them over and over online.

Baby's Got Weasels

Crispin-Porter has done it again.

They've taken an iconic song and mashed it up with one of the most popular Nickelodeon characters.

I read about this spot this morning, and I confess I was all set to blast the CP+B folks.

But . . . it's just so goofy and good and it works. People may complain that this spot is not for kids - and they're right - but even if kids see it, so what? They see worse every day.

And let's be smart about this: This ad squarely targets the Mom & Dad crowd that are constantly besieged with the unending chorus of "Let's go to McDonald's!" This spot will be remembered by parents, and when they hear the little ones screaming in the back of the car, they can then reply, "Hey kids, how about a Sponge-Bob kid's meal?"

There are two versions - a :30 spot for TV and a full length version for your internet viewing. Here for your enjoyment is the full length version.

Product Spokes-Weasels

Last week, Proctor & Gamble made advertising news with the announcement that they had selected Mandy Moore as their new product spokes-person for Gain laundry detergent

Let's let that sink in for a moment.

Spokes-people for various products are a time honored tradition in the advertising world. Usually, the company involved chooses their spokes-person based on the demographic makeup of their core consumers. They select someone their audience can relate to and aspire to be.

So . . . why Mandy Moore?

Was it her breathtaking cinematic performances in Magic Al and the Mind Factory, Chasing Liberty, and License to Wed?

Was it her chart topping music career? (Yes, there really are at least six albums - including a "Best of")

Seriously, what were the good folks at P & G thinking? Do they really believe that all the moms in America will rush out and buy Gain because 'Lana" from the Princess Diaries said to?

But wait . . . there's more! Apparently, having a hip, young spokes-person requires a Web 2.0 social promotion as well. That's where the website comes in.

Here's a screenshot:

Be warned however - the website starts talking to you the moment it loads (a personal pet peeve of mine).

Mandy welcomes us to the 'best smelling website - EVAH!' She tells us how she fell in love with Gain the very first time she smelled it. She asks you to tell her about your very first sniff. And if you post your "sniff story" on the site, you could win a free concert in your home town starring - you guessed it - Mandy Moore.

I'll ask again: P & G, what were you thinking? Did you lose a bet? Did you decide you really needed a spokes-person before choosing Mandy Moore, and she was the only one on a very long list that said yes?

Let's be clear here: I've no beef with Ms. Moore. She's just doing her job and cashing the check. If someone wanted to pay me a ton of money to smell their laundry and gush on about how wonderful it smelled, I'd do it.

No, my issue is with the weasels at P & G that made this decision (and those that allowed it to happen).

Something smells, alright. It smells like stinky weasels.

Internet Marketing Weasels

I'm a big fan of internet advertising - because like direct marketing, it can be targeted, tracked, and 'accountable' in ways that are simply impossible for traditional advertising to match.

But it's not point, click, and cash-the-check with all forms of internet advertising. Take for example Contextual Internet Advertising. This form of internet advertising was supposed to be the greatest thing since, well . . . since Al Gore invented the internet. The idea is that your ad is only placed on web pages that have content that matches up to what you're trying to sell. Have an ad selling cameras? Contextual advertising will place your ad on a blog about photography or a news story about cameras.

But what happens when the programming gets the context all wrong? Then it stops being advertising, and it starts being amusing.

For example, it's likely that Orbitz didn't really have these types of locations in mind when they created their contextual ad.

Sorry for the unscheduled interruption . .

Apologies to all for the unannounced hiatus. I stepped away for a moment, and that moment grew to a fortnight, then a month, and then . . . well, in the immortal words of our Dear Leader, "I screwed up."

But there is good news! I now have a lot of free time on my hands (too much). So, more ad criticism to come.

Touchy Weasels

Here's one of the better ads to come out recently. All it does is show the product in use. But when using the product is fundamentally different than the competition, that's all you have to do.





For all anyone knows, the HP TouchSmart computer could have a 33 mhz processor and be constructed of depleted uranium, but I predict that it will fly off the shelves due to the incredible coolness of its touch screen. Just as the iPhone changed the cellphone game, the touch screen is the next big thing in personal computers.

Plus it helps to have really cool music for your spots.









And really, don't you like Joan Jett in a bikini?



And the correct answer to the question is "Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah."

What's next - Ninja Weasels?

Someone once observed that while art imitated life, advertising imitates culture. If this is true, Australia suffers from a (sub) culture composed of gangs of ninja kittens. Instead of drugs, these cats appear to be dealing delicious fish.

All of this makes for a rather "dramatic" backdrop for an Australia spot for the Toyota Corolla.



Created by Publicis Mojo - Sydney, apparently we are to believe the Toyota Corolla is either the vehicle of choice when escaping the ninja kittens you've just robbed, or perhaps the ninja kittens are a metaphor for just how edgy and powerful the new Corolla really is.

Yeah, that's it. Your new Corolla is fierce like a kitten. An imaginary kind of kitten. Cool.